My Dear Husband,
It's funny how we can spend so much time talking about the silly little things. The things that don't matter beyond the moment.
But when we hit upon a topic that matters, it's instantly deep, serious and eternally significant.
Your son.
So much like you. So much like me.
In both ways he needs you so much.
Talking about you deploying does scare me, but I know it's something that is do-able. It's temporary. Talking about you dying turns my heart to stone.
We know these things are possible, but we rarely talk about them. Of all the things that upset me about the military, all the annoyances, all the disappointments... these are the only things that I avoid thinking about because they aren't little. They matter. They're too life-changing.
Thinking about talking with my children about them scares me just as much.
I used to like talking about "real" things. The serious, philosophical aspects of life. It made me feel smart and deep and concerned about the things that matter. What a silly, ego-stroking practice.
Those things didn't matter.
The things that matter often go over-looked. We don't really forget. Not really. We just let the impact miss us. Maybe because they're right in front of us every day. Maybe because they seem mundane. Maybe they seem mundane because so much of the daily routine goes hand-in-hand with the miracles they are.
You.
My relationship with you.
These things have re-awakened in their importance in the last six months.
Our children.
My relationship with them.
These things are in the process of re-awakening. I still get mired in the daily routine and forget how miraculous they are.
I know that your military experience and its impact on the kids and me is what has made us realize what is important. I can thank the military for that.
You'll be home soon. I've already expressed to you my hope that I won't slide back into the routine of missing the impact of the important things. Every day with you is a miracle. Each one granted and gifted by God.
I think our kids will feel the same way about you when you come home. You'll hardly have a moment to yourself.
And you won't mind because you'll feel the same way about us.
As with anything good, we have to hold onto each other with both hands. We're in it together and we're stronger that way.
Yours,
Girly
