My Dear Husband,
There is a certain level of irony that, while I can usually find the words I need to write a book, I cannot find the words I need to tell you how much I love you. I often find myself brain-strangled when I try to find the perfect way of expressing it to you.
I've never been able to turn a phrase. I can only tell stories.
It often starts with, "Every moment of every day..." but gets stalled out immediately after I think those words. You sometimes say, "More than you'll ever know," when you tell me you love me. I always felt a little sad when you said that, thinking that you were implying that you loved me more than I loved you. I know now that that is not true.
I believe I know now what you meant.
There is a depth to my feelings for you that I have no words for. The well runs deeper than I have ever explored, myself. I suspect that there is no bottom to it, but I don't have the strength or breath to dive further. What I have explored only serves to show me that there is more than I can ever know in this lifetime.
I know I worry a lot about you and it is said by some that worry shows you care. What I hope for myself, eventually, is to learn to stop worrying and accept peace in its place.
I cling to you like I would my own limb. Or my heart. You are mine and you are a part of me.
I know you are sometimes frustrated with my tendency to go along with whatever you want. I think I have tried to explain to you, insufficiently, that it doesn't matter to me WHAT we do, just so long as I'm with you. It's not so much about self-sacrifice as forgetting myself and cherishing my time with you. I think, maybe, we have spent so much time together because we were preparing for this time. We had to strengthen our relationship to withstand this upcoming separation.
I think the word "love" has been overused by so many people that don't really understand what it means. I think that may be why I struggle to find a better word, one that hasn't been cheapened. There is no better word, only better understanding.
I love you in the purest sense of the word. I know what love is. Love is the past, where we learned and grew and accepted each other for everything we are. Love is the present, where we laugh and cry, and where we live the mundane and the beautifully transcendent. Love is the future, where all is possible.
I love you.
I love you.
Yours,
Girly
